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Why Keep Choosing What You Know Isn't a Fit?


This one took me awhile to fully comprehend. I knew it my mind, but I kept choosing what I already knew wasn't working for me.


It was decades worth of 'corruption' of my self worth.


Which is not something I learned overnight, nor was it something I could heal overnight.


But slowly, diligently, clumsily, awkwardly, I walked myself through with help from many things and people over many years.


I got help from an amazing Psychologist, I experienced Holographic Kinetics several times, Yoga, Sound Baths, Sacred Plant Ceremonies, Acupuncture, Readings, Hands on Healings, Lomi Lomi Massage, Kinesiology, Breath Work, Art Therapy, Earthing/Grounding/Walking in nature, Meditation, Journalling and working with Crystal Energies... just to name a few of things that have helped me over the years.


Also changing my dietary lifestyle also played a role: Drinking 2 litres of filtered or spring water a day. Reducing/Removing processed foods, gluten, diary & sugar and gentle exercises and movement.

So when I found myself choosing what I knew wasn't a fit. I knew there was something else I had to do.


Healing my self worth, not just how I felt about myself, but how did I show the outside world how I valued myself. That was the key! And it was not an easy turn, unlocking that pattern.


But none else could actually get inside me and convince me of my worth.


I had to find that in myself, I had to believe it for myself and I had to value it for myself.


The steps that helped me clear the corruption was I had to actually get to know, myself...warts and all... the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. I did this through carving out time to self reflect, then I did a lot of journalling (which I burnt last month at the full moon) then through journalling I became more self aware of the corrupted thoughts and beliefs I was trying to correct.


Finally self acceptance came through when my striving and proving kept failing... and I was left with myself.


And looking back over what I had cleverly compartmentalised....

So I could survive a long story of dysfunction, trauma, abuse, and insecurities... I found self acceptance for having got through what I had and still believe in love.


That opened up self respect, by learning what I actually valued the most, and learning to live by those values.


Living by my values required I learn about boundaries.... argh, boundaries! I truly thought they were about judgements, but that was the wounded young girl in me... boundaries are healthy, for self and for others. So slowly learning about boundaries how to implement them, how stay in tune with them so they don't become rigid walls but flexible, without compromising or abandoning myself.


It hasn't been easy but it wasn't difficult either.


It was me learning to be me, loving me enough to begin with, to want to change.


And baby steps got me there,

Courage to keep going has gotten me here.



So much love.

Mim

Xx



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